Offering Premarital Counseling in East Metro Atlanta in Conyers near Covington, Georgia.
Pre-Marital counseling is about setting couples up for a strong, healthy marriage. A wise couple realizes that it’s not just about planning a wedding but about preparing for a lifetime together.
One of the most important things we do in counseling is help couples recognize both green flags and red flags. Green flags point to long-term compatibility, while red flags can signal deeper issues that may cause pain later. If you’re considering pre-marital counseling, here are some key red flags you’ll want to pay attention to before making one of the biggest commitments of your life.
1. How They React When You Say “No”
After you’ve been dating a while, look for an opportunity to say “no” to something small. How does your partner respond when they don’t get their way? Do they respect your boundary, or do they push, pout, or become angry?
A healthy relationship requires the ability to accept “no” with grace and respect. If they can’t, this can be an early sign of controlling or manipulative tendencies.
2. How They Handle Conflict and Space
Every couple disagrees. But what matters is how couples handle disagreements. One helpful practice is for a partner to say, “I need some time to think about this. Let’s step back and talk in an hour.” That request for space must be honored. Conversely, the partner requesting space should try to return to their partner in a reasonable amount of time, and let them know when they can expect to finish the conversation.
Red flags during conflict:
- They follow you around
- They refuse to let you step away
- They escalate the conflict when you ask for time
Once anger has taken hold of one or both partners, it’s all too easy to say things that are hurtful. Before someone says something they’ll regret later, take a little time and space to calm down. Without healthy space, small sparks can quickly turn into raging bonfires of anger.
3. Hurtful Words Said in Anger
Sometimes, angry words are brushed off later with, “I didn’t mean it.” But those words can leave lasting scars. For example, if someone says, “You’re not attractive” or criticizes their partner’s body, these comments will likely never be forgotten. It’s a red flag when a partner uses hurtful language as a weapon in arguments or says things that wound deeply.
A relationship is much like a garden that needs tending. When extremely hurtful words are used in an argument, it’s like a patch of weeds taking root in your garden. A happy relationship can’t handle many cruel remarks. Like a garden choked by weeds, a relationship can not survive such circumstances.
It’s a red flag when a partner uses hurtful language as a weapon in arguments.
4. Shutting Down Instead of Working It Out
Another red flag I see during pre-marital counseling sessions is when one partner shuts down, withdraws, or avoids conflict entirely. In contrast to taking space, there’s no communication about how long the person needs and a promise to resolve the conflict in a reasonable amount of time.
A counselor can help couples learn how to work toward a resolution. Avoidance creates distance, resentment, and unresolved tension. Silence might feel easier in the moment, but in the long run, it erodes trust and intimacy.
5. Threats, Violence, or Abuse
Violence is one of the biggest red flags. If there are threats or acts of violence of any kind, I suggest taking this red flag as a sign to end the relationship immediately.
Additionally, signs of aggression, name-calling, or controlling behavior are serious warning signs to seek help and reconsider the relationship. Abuse in any form—verbal, financial, emotional, or physical—has no place in a healthy relationship.
If you or someone you love is experiencing abuse and needs help to safely leave the relationship, visit https://www.thehotline.org or call 1-800-799-SAFE. This hotline connects people with local resources.
While recovery is possible, untreated addiction will make long-term happiness extremely difficult.
6. Substance Abuse or Addiction
Addiction, whether to alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling, or sex, undermines trust and stability. People in active addiction usually can’t put the relationship first, because the addiction comes first.
While recovery is possible, untreated addiction will almost certainly harm the relationship and make long-term happiness extremely difficult. If a partner has an active addiction and refuses to seek treatment, I consider this a red flag so serious that ending the relationship is advisable.
Pre-Marital Counseling: Turning Red Flags Into Hope
Pre-marital counseling helps couples build strong foundations, but it also shines a light on potential issues that could become serious problems. If you notice any of these red flags, don’t ignore them. Address them openly, seek support, and be honest about whether the relationship is healthy enough for marriage.
Remember that love is not just about chemistry or shared hobbies. It’s about respect, trust, communication, and shared values. Watching for red flags now could save you from heartache later, and set you on a path to a marriage built on true partnership.
Written by Dr. Susan Sendelbach, M.A., D. Min.
Written by Dr. Susan Sendelbach, M.A., D. Min.
Interested in pre-marital counseling in Conyers, Georgia, or remotely?
Investing in pre-marital counseling gives your relationship a strong foundation and helps you navigate challenges before they arise. Dr. Susan A. Sendelbach has over 30 years of experience helping couples prepare for lifelong partnership with wisdom, compassion, and practical tools.
Don’t wait until red flags become roadblocks. Schedule your pre-marital counseling session today and step confidently into your future together.
A strong relationship isn’t built on grand gestures. It’s built on emotional safety, shared values, kindness, and a willingness to grow. If you’re seeing these green flags, you’re on a promising path.